


Persona

by eorumverba



Series: six au [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 03:28:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8561818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eorumverba/pseuds/eorumverba
Summary: There was a distinct difference between the person that was Cha Hakyeon and the person that was N. N was the smiling leader of VIXX, the dancer, the nagging mother of the other five members. Cha Hakyeon was not always smiling, he was not always the mother figure. Cha Hakyeon had his tantrums, Cha Hakyeon had his doubts and fears that maybe VIXX wouldn’t do well this time around, that maybe they’d end up forgotten like f(x), that they’d lose members like EXO. Cha Hakyeon was only human, and he was vulnerable.





	

There was a distinct difference between the person that was Cha Hakyeon and the person that was N. N was the smiling leader of VIXX, the dancer, the nagging mother of the other five members. Cha Hakyeon was not always smiling, he was not always the mother figure. Cha Hakyeon had his tantrums, Cha Hakyeon had his doubts and fears that maybe VIXX wouldn’t do well this time around, that maybe they’d end up forgotten like f(x), that they’d lose members like EXO. Cha Hakyeon was only human, and he was vulnerable.

Of course, it wasn’t like he was the only one in the group with a persona, but his was the one with the most stark differences. Jung Taekwoon was quiet, like Leo, but Leo had a charismatic charm that Jung Taekwoon didn’t. Ken was the childish clown, but Lee Jaehwan practiced singing until his voice was rough with use. Lee Jaehwan thought of endless ways to make people laugh, to see them smile, and Ken executed them. Hyuk was never afraid to talk back to his hyungs, but Han Sanghyuk was polite, almost distant, with everyone but a select few. Lee Hongbin and Hongbin both loved photography, but where Hongbin knew he was beautiful, Lee Hongbin had his doubts, hated being praised only for his looks. Lee Hongbin often sought out Jaehwan and Taekwoon’s help to become a better singer, to be known as a singer as well as a visual. Kim Wonshik…he loved sleeping. He loved his rhymes and his notebook above anything else, and he and Ravi both thought of endless rhythms and rhymes - Kim Wonshik didn’t show many people the lyrics he came up with during each sleepless night, but Ravi did.

Kim Wonshik liked to think of himself as an open book. Cha Hakyeon, however, was not.

It was after another performance of Error on M Countdown - the crowd had loved it, as per usual, and N had been in smiles like the rest of VIXX. He’d given waves and grins for the cameras, as they walked to the van, as it pulled away, even. The gears in Ravi’s head were already turning, pouring out fragments of lyrics, and his hand hurried to keep up with his brain - but Wonshik knew that Cha Hakyeon was furious.

And he was right. 

As soon as Sanghyuk closed the door behind him and they were left alone, Hakyeon whirled to face them all.

“What the _hell_ was that? Hongbin, you had like one line, and you fuck it up? And Taekwoon, Jaehwan, you’re supposed to be our main vocals, you can’t slack like that!” Hakyeon turned to Sanghyuk and Wonshik and his gaze hardened, “Sanghyuk, you too - I know you’re not a good dancer, but were you even _trying_? And Wonshik, just because you’re tone deaf doesn’t mean you can fuck up your rap - you call yourself a rapper, but you can’t even say a few lines? You’re all worthless-” Hakyeon broke off with an agitated sigh and spun away, throwing a crass “don’t bother me” over his shoulder.

No one moved until they heard Hakyeon’s door slam.

“For what it’s worth, I thought it was a good performance.” Wonshik offered. He was met with stony silence.

Jaehwan shook his head and slipped his shoes back on, “We know you mean well, Wonshikkie, but don’t. Not now. I’m going to go practice, if anyone wants to come…” Hongbin and Sanghyuk followed, and Taekwoon was already out of the room, probably in his room.

“I’ll try to calm him down. I’ll call you if anything happens, Jaehwan.”

Jaehwan nodded, offered a half-hearted smile, and the three of them were gone.

Now alone, Wonshik grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen, then thought better of it and left it on the counter. It was just a stalling method, he knew that. Hakyeon was not a force to be reckoned with, and he knew that if he said the wrong thing, things would be bad for days.

So he paused by Hakyeon’s door and took a breath, knocked quietly. “Hakyeon, it’s Wonshik.“

After a long moment, a tired “Come in, Wonshik.”

Hakyeon’s room was neat as always, and Wonshik stood awkwardly by the door as Hakyeon regarded him with tired eyes.

“You’re here to try and calm me down, aren’t you?”

A nod. “The members, they’re all hurt. Your words hurt them more than the managers’ or the fans’ ever could. Jaehwan, Sanghyuk and Hongbin all went to practice, you know they’ll be there until dawn. We at least have a relatively free day tomorrow.”

“I know,” at least Hakyeon had flinched at his quiet anger, “I know all of that, Wonshikkie. I just. This is all so stupid.”

“This isn’t stupid, not to the rest of us. You know,” Wonshik took a tentative step towards Hakyeon, “we’re all here for you if you need to talk.”

“No you’re not. I can’t burden the others with this-”

“So you yell at them instead?”

Hakyeon flinched again, dragged a hand through his hair. He looked up at Wonshik and held his gaze his time, lower lip caught by his teeth. His face was bare, and he looked…old. Tired. It struck Wonshik, then, that they were all getting old.

“We’re wasting our youth here, Wonshikkie. Haven’t you realized? People our - my - age are getting married, having kids, but we…we’re stuck until we’ve outgrown the public, and then what?” There was a wistful tone when Hakyeon mentioned marriage.

Wonshik had realized, but he just sat next to Hakyeon, quiet. “It’s okay, hyung. We’ll all be together until it’s over, and then…we’ll find something else.”

“We haven’t even been able to go on dates, how are we going to - how is Sanghyuk going to find a girl if he’s never gotten the chance to go on stupid high school dates?”

“He’ll find a girl that likes him for him.” Wonshik said slowly, and as an afterthought, “so will you.”

“If only it were that simple,” Hakyeon sounded bitter, but he leaned against Wonshik anyway, “how are you so optimistic?”

Wonshik shrugged. “Because it’s the truth.” (This conversation made for a good rap, he realized, if only-

No. Rhymes weren’t important now. Hakyeon was)

“Wonshikkie, I have to tell you something. It’s - important.” Hakyeon was quiet, oddly serious. He’d tensed up, too, and he sat up and moved away from Wonshik, as if expecting an outburst.

“You’re not leaving VIXX, are you?”

“No! Not ever.”

“And we’re not breaking up or anything? No one’s leaving?”

“No, it doesn’t have to do with VIXX. It’s about me.”

“Oh.”

Hakyeon took a breath, released it after a long pause. “Wonshikkie, I’m - I’m gay.”

That…certainly hadn’t been what Wonshik was expecting. “Okay, that’s all?”

“That’s all? Wonshik-”

“How long have you known?”

“Since - right before mydol. I never meant to tell anyone, for obvious reasons.”

“Then why me?”

Hakyeon shrugged, moved closer tentatively. “I thought you’d understand.”

Well. “What about the others?”

“I can’t tell them,” at Wonshik’s look, Hakyeon sighed, “not yet. It’s just not _practical_ , in this industry. You know as well as I do.”

“Thank you for telling me, hyung,” The gears in Wonshik’s head were turning too loudly to be ignored now, but when he saw how Hakyeon’s eyes dimmed, he shook his head, “it’s not you, it’s - I have to write this down before I lose it.”

“Write here, then. I won’t…” _I won’t do anything._

“Okay.” Wonshik lingered by the door, only moving when Hakyeon shooed him off with a tired smile. He returned moments later with his newest notebook and a pen, and settled on Hakyeon’s bed, alternatively scribbling frantic fragments and watching Hakyeon read. It was only at half past two that Wonshik finally put down his pen and looked up to see Hakyeon just…looking.

“I was waiting for you to finish. I didn’t want to disturb you - you looked so into it.”

Wonshik just nodded, a yawn escaping his lips as he wiggled his fingers to get the soreness out of them. “How long were you waiting?”

“Not long,” at Wonshik’s look, “almost two hours.”

“You could have just-”

“This is more important to me, Wonshikkie.” Hakyeon said, voice firm, if not fond. End of discussion.

“Fine-” another yawn, “move over, hyung.”

Hesitantly, Hakyeon complied, stiffened as Wonshik rolled closer so his leg was tossed over Hakyeon’s. “Go to sleep, hyung.” his voice was muffled, his breath hot against Hakyeon’s neck. The rhythmic sound, Wonshik’s warmth, the normality, the _acceptance_ \- all lulled Hakyeon to sleep.

(And when Taekwoon checked on them, hours later, he found them in an odd embrace; Wonshik curled around Hakyeon, their legs and arms tangled together. Hakyeon’s face was half buried in Wonshik’s neck, and Wonshik had a nose full of Hakyeon’s hair.

He decided to let them sleep in, just a bit.)


End file.
